


Until We Meet Again

by LadyWallace



Category: Supernatural
Genre: (and he does get one), Angst, Canon Compliant, Cas needs a hug, Coping, Family, Fatherly Castiel, Gen, Grief, Season 15, Story Told In Vignettes, spans most of Season 15
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-16
Updated: 2020-09-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:08:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26490919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyWallace/pseuds/LadyWallace
Summary: Jack is gone and Castiel is having trouble coping. It's never easy to lose the ones you love. (Cas&Jack father/son angst, h/c Season 15 Tag)
Relationships: Castiel & Jack Kline
Comments: 12
Kudos: 52





	Until We Meet Again

**Author's Note:**

  * For [angelfishofthelord](https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelfishofthelord/gifts).



> For angelfishofthelord :) Hope you enjoy this!
> 
> So, I didn't have the chance to re-watch S15 before I wrote this so if some of the events are a little spotty or inaccurate, that's why. Sorry in advance.

It wasn't something he found easy to process. Castiel could only stare at Jack's body lying at his feet. His eyes burned out, no life pulsing through him anymore.

He had just wanted to help Jack, he had just wanted Chuck to help, and all Chuck had done was kill him. The angels had used Jack and led him astray and now this was all that was left.

A dead boy, lying on the grass in an old graveyard as the world went to hell again.

And Castiel didn't care.

~~~~~~~

He refused to leave Jack's body there even though they were running for their lives. He could not do that. He would never forgive himself if he had.

Once they got to the tentative safety of the crypt, Castiel finally had a moment to look at the boy again, to touch his cold cheek, a reminder of the life that no longer resided in this mortal vessel that belonged to a being once so powerful.

In that moment, he knew that if he had been able to he would have given his life, his grace, in a second. This was a father's love, he knew, and he'd never experienced it so fully as he did in that moment, when it was too late. Would that Chuck took the same burden upon himself since he _did_ have the power to do something.

But God was no longer on their side, and there was just grief and darkness in their future.

~~~~~~~

He couldn't look at Belphegor, not while the demon had the audacity to wear Jack's body like he owned it. It was a good thing Sam suggested he and Castiel split up with Dean and the abomination.

"Cas," Sam said as they walked along a deserted street, their surroundings too quiet.

The angel looked over at him briefly, but couldn't hold his gaze. "Yes, Sam."

"I loved him too," Sam's voice choked slightly as he said it and he closed his eyes briefly. Castiel's chest tightened. "I wish…god, we all know there's no point in wishing. I'm just sorry it had to go this way, that it had to happen. But I wanted you to know that I never wanted him dead."

"I know," Castiel cut in quickly, biting the inside of his cheek to hold his emotions at bay. "He made his own decisions…"

"No, Cas, he didn't," Sam said quietly. "He was manipulated by everyone. By all of us. I take responsibility in that too, but I just…I want him back. What I wouldn't give for another chance."

"Well, he won't be coming back," Castiel said shortly. "He can't come back again."

"Maybe there's some way; there's always—"

"Stop," Castiel snapped, quickly striding ahead of Sam so he didn't have to see his face. "We already tried that and we failed. That's on all of us. And I'd rather him be dead than not himself. I can't do that again. And he wouldn't want it either."

Sam was silent but Castiel could feel his grief even through his own. He bit the inside of his lip to bleeding and continued on.

Of course he wanted Jack back, but at what cost? By now, he felt all of them should know better. To know that they should let the dead stay dead.

~~~~~~~

The woman was hurting, Castiel could tell, and of course she was. Her son was missing.

The hunt shouldn't be hard, Castiel had gone on many harder ones in the past, but this one seemed different. Of course, he was usually compassionate about the people they helped on cases, but this time it felt more personal. He was determined to bring this woman's son back to her, no matter what.

Even if he didn't make it back, and honestly, at this point, he could care less.

He just knew that no one else was going to help this woman so he decided that was going to be his job now.

And they did find her son, alive, and brought him back home.

Before Castiel left, the woman thanked him.

"I just don't know how to thank you," she said. "You were the only one who didn't give up on him. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't shown up."

"I know…" Castiel replied quietly, clearing his throat. "I know what it's like to… lose a child. I didn't…want you to have to go through that."

A look of understanding and grief washed over her face as she reached out and touched his arm. "I'm sorry," she said.

"I'm just glad everything turned out all right," Castiel said. "If you ever need anything again, call me."

She nodded and squeezed his hand. He lingered in her touch for a second, the pity and the pain that encompassed it, before he couldn't stand the comfort any longer and pulled away carefully, heading back to his car.

He felt the emotions rising in his throat, threatening to choke him as he drove away, still not knowing where he was headed, but trying to get as far away as possible.

~~~~~~~

Somehow, he ended up with Jody Mills.

He supposed he had been intending to all along, but he still had to steel himself before he went up to the door. He didn't want her to call the Winchesters and tell them he was there. He just wasn't ready to go back yet, for them to know where he was.

But Jody, though she seemed surprised, simply invited him inside and made coffee. They sat at the kitchen table and Castiel looked into the cup before he stared around the house. It was brightly lit, and felt like a real home. He glanced into the living room and saw a picture of Claire and the other girls on the mantle.

Castiel felt his vessel, Jimmy's body, react the same way it always did when he thought about Claire. It had taken him a while to understand what Jimmy Novak had felt, why he had felt so betrayed, why he had been willing to give his body, despite the personal cost, to Castiel, but now he knew. He understood completely. What it was like to be a father. When it was too late.

"I was sorry to hear about Jack," Jody said quietly after a while, when she had finished talking about the hunt she and Donna had gone on recently.

Castiel looked over at her slowly. His throat ached, but he swallowed hard and said, "How do you…I don't know how to…" He looked away quickly, unable to look Jody in the eye any longer.

She surprised him by reaching across the table and putting a hand over his. "You don't, Castiel. I'm sorry, but you don't. I don't have any good advice. I wondered for years when it would get easier after I lost my son and husband, but the truth is, it doesn't. And the worst part was I lost my son twice. And the second time, he wasn't even himself."

Her voice wavered and Castiel clutched her hand tightly, understanding all too well what she said.

"I never expected to feel like that," he told her. "But Jack…"

"I know," Jody said. "The pain fades, it's true, but there's always a hole. Even now when I have all the girls, there's still a hole. You don't just forget the loss of a child. And it's okay, Castiel. It's okay to need time to grieve."

It seemed like that broke something in Castiel and something wet slipped down his cheek. He reached up to swipe it away but Jody was already getting out of her seat and coming over to pull him into an embrace, letting him rest his head against her shoulder. Castiel closed his eyes and leaned against her as silent tears fell, allowing him to release so much of what he had been holding inside recently.

~~~~~~~

Eventually, he ended up back at the bunker, and went to Purgatory with Dean—again—and the elder Winchester finally apologized to him.

Later when they were back, and started patching up wounds, Dean said quietly, "Cas, about Jack…I loved the kid too, you know."

"Dean, I…" Castiel bit back his protests. He had to remind himself that he couldn't really blame Dean for how he reacted. After all, his mother had just been killed.

Dean swallowed hard. "I know I went about the whole thing wrong. I wasn't thinking. But that doesn't mean I don't care. He was our kid. If you think I didn't feel anything…" He trailed off and bit his lip, looking away, before he turned back. "I'm sorry, man. I'm really sorry. This whole situation is just…"

"I know," Castiel said, tiredly. "I don't know why we ever expected any different."

"I don't blame you," Dean said suddenly. "I don't. I did a little at first, I blamed you for not telling us about Jack, but I get it. And since then, with Chuck and everything, I get it now. It wasn't just you, it wasn't just Jack. You just all got tied up into it. We all did. Chuck is really the one to blame here. I just…I want you to come home, man."

Castiel sighed, forcing back the emotion that welled up inside of him. He did forgive Dean, even though he still wouldn't forget what he had tried to do to Jack. But Dean had also stayed hiss hand in the end and that was something.

"I…" he started then stopped. "I will come back, Dean, but I am still processing everything."

"That's okay, Cas," Dean told him and reached out to grip his shoulder. "That's okay. And remember, Sammy and I…we're here. You don't have to feel like you're doing this alone."

Castiel nodded, but he still felt dark and empty. He didn't even feel like he could function anymore if he were being honest. Maybe he still needed time, though he felt like he'd taken too much time already. But he thought about what Jody said too.

Maybe you never did get over it.

~~~~~~~

Castiel didn't believe the phone call at first.

After all, how could he? Jack was dead.

He drove all the way to Oklahoma and he still didn't believe it. Not even when he saw the footage on the security camera.

He almost didn't believe it when he went after the Grigori in the church and saw Jack kneeling there, bound and bleeding.

Except, it was him. It really was him this time.

"Cas," the boy said, almost hesitantly, glancing warily at the blade still clutched tightly in Castiel's hand.

"Jack," Castiel breathed and pushed himself forward, hands trembling as he dropped his blade and hurriedly pulled the ropes from Jack's hands.

Then he pulled him to his feet and instantly gathered the boy into his arms.

Jack slumped against him, relieved, hands coming up to clutch Castiel's back.

Castiel couldn't believe that he was holding Jack, this boy who was for all intents and purposes his son, in his arms again. It had to be a dream, it couldn't be real.

Except it was, because Jack was warm, and breathing, and it was _Jack_ not some demon using his body. He even smelled like Jack.

Jack was shuddering against him and Castiel felt something wet hit his shoulder. He finally pushed the boy away only a little bit. He looked directly into Jack's eyes, and they were his eyes. The last time he had seen them they had been burned out. He didn't even care at the moment how this was possible, he was just grateful.

"I missed you so much," Jack said, eyes wet.

Castiel swallowed hard and blinked but wasn't able to contain his emotion. A tear slid down his cheek as he smiled, cupping Jack's face between his hands. "I've missed you too."

And he pulled Jack to him again. They stayed like that for a long time, just reveling in the fact that they could.

Eventually, Castiel led Jack back out to his car and had him sit while he tended his injuries.

"What happened?" Castiel finally asked. "How are you…?"

"It was Death. She brought me back. She said that I have the power to defeat Chuck, or I will, eventually," Jack told him. "I know it looks bad, eating the Grigori hearts, but it's only to get me back to strength."

"Jack," Castiel said, taking his shoulders in his hands. "I'm just glad to have you back. I'm just glad it's you. Whatever else happens, we'll figure it out together."

Jack smiled slightly, but his face fell a second later. "But Sam and Dean…I…what I did…"

Castiel shook his head. "They know everything that happened. And they miss you too, Jack. They miss you a lot. No matter what happened, they'll be glad to have you back."

Jack looked up at him tentatively. "Really?"

Castiel brushed a hand through his hair fondly. "We're family. And right now, we all need to stay together. It's more important now than ever."

"Yes," Jack agreed softly.

"Oh, Jack," Castiel sighed and pulled him firmly into another embrace, unable to help himself. "I'm so glad you're back."

Jack clung to him happily, burying his face in Castiel's shoulder. "I am too."

And slowly, Castiel began to feel the wounded pieces of his heart mend, come back together and form whatever had been there before. He was sure that this wasn't the end of their troubles, but in that moment, he truly felt content. He felt like he could go on.

And for now, that was enough for him.


End file.
